Black Rain
by Admetcetera
Summary: Lara has recovered the Jewelled Diadem from Larson and Pierre in France. Now she must return home safely with Amanda and Kurtis in tow. Tons of action and a little fluff. A ComedyAction story. TERRIBLE SUMMARY! BETTER STORY Changed Title
1. Flight of the Birds

**BY THE WAY THE TITLE MEANS "Black Rain" IN FRENCH**

The sun shone brightly on the dank streets of Paris. Off in the distance I could see the Eiffel Tower pasted on a gray, cloudy backdrop. A storm would soon be coming. I checked the deep pocket in my leather backpack for the jeweled diadem that I had recovered.

Hearing gunfire, I spun around to find Kurtis and Amanda jogging backwards, shooting at Larson and Pierre. "Oh Darn, looks like it ain't gonna end purty!" cried Larson with an evil grin on his dirtied face. I too drew my guns, and trying to scare them, drew a few blank fires.

Of course, Amanda and Kurtis couldn't be trusted with guns in their hands, and they weren't exactly what you'd call "Expert Shooters." They had missed all but one shot. That single bullet from Amanda's rifle had flown through Larson's cowboy hat.

"What do you want with us?" I cried, finally loading up my gun. I wasn't going to shoot if I didn't have to. I wasn't in the mood for mucking up the beautiful streets with blood today.

With a little pressure to my ear piece, I called out "Zip? Zip? Do you read me?" "Yeah, I read you AND see you, Lara!" he laughed into the microphone. "What?" I called, checking my shoulder for the mini cam Zip had installed in my jacket. It was currently dangling and bouncing off my chest, the lens turned up towards my face at times.

"C-could you possible FIX THAT PLEASE?!?" cried Alistair, "It's making me positively nauseous!" "Sorry, Alistair!" I said, tucking the camera into my button hole. Continuing to run, Amanda and Kurtis spun around, and sprinted up to flee beside me. Together we covered about three miles just evading The crazed Frenchman and his Texan Idiot Sidekick. **(NO OFFENCE TO TEXANS! I LOVE TEXAS BUT LARSON IS AN IDIOT NO DOUBT!)**

We had passed the Arc Du Triumph (Spelled right?) and were headed straight for the Eiffel Tower. The ominous clouds had long since covered the sun, and a light rain was starting to fall. "Oi! You little brat, come back here!" called Pierre, charging towards us. "Lara, I'm bringing the van to get you guys!" called Zip through my headphone.

In panic we all raced toward the elevator of the Eiffel Tower. We had mere seconds until the door closed. Throwing out his hand, Curtis stopped the doors, and allowed us to pass. Sliding in, Kurtis squeezed himself between me and Amanda. The elevator was stopped by a loud "CRASH!" outside. Larson had obviously failed to think before charging at a 3 foot deep steel wall.

All the same this set off the emergency alarm system, and the tourists crowding the elevator began to yell and scream for help. Used to these problems, I opened up the door on top of the car, and climbed out with the aid of Amanda. Kurtis followed, with Amanda crawling out last. I grabbed hold of one of the steel cables and began to climb.

Looking out the loose steel structuring, I saw Pierre keeping up with my pace, jogging up the steps. Larson was following behind, pressing a bloody towel to his head. Laughing at his expense, I continued to climb the cable faster. Amanda and Kurtis each held different cables close, and were beginning to climb them as well.

Finally I reached the top floor, and stepped out. Not long after came the Evil Duo. "Hehehe, we 'ave you now, mon amis!" laughed Pierre in his French Accent. "Ya'll better give us that die-uh-demmy thingy!" threatened Larson. Backing up, I pressed myself to the wall. I was surrounded. Larson had a taser, and Pierre a Mag Vega. There would be no escape.

The wind was whipping my long brown hair, and I felt light as a feather. Soon after, I opened my eyes. Kurtis and Amanda were leaning far over the edge of the platform, tears falling from their eyes. Pierre and Larson were laughing hysterically. Only one thing was wrong with this picture. They were, all four of them, growing smaller and smaller, while the ground below me was getting bigger and bigger. I was 300 feet from the ground, 200, 100, 90, 80, 60, 50…

**OOOOHHHHH! Cliffy. What'll happen? ONE review and I'll make another chapter! ;D**


	2. And I'll Save Myself From a Nasty Fall

**WHADDAYA THINK WILL HAPPEN? READ TO FIND OUT:D :D :D**

Lara was but ten feet from the ground, now. She braced herself for the crushing impact she would take. Lara began to yell, "KURTIS, I…" she stopped. Lara wasn't on the ground, shattered into a million pieces, but softly cushioned in a jumping mat.

"How did you have time to inflate this?" asked Lara to the firemen around her. She needn't an answer. All around her, she saw millions of mattress inflators, scattered about the sides of the giant cushion. Off behind her, Alistair approached quietly, and hugged her from behind.

"I thought you were a goner!" he cried, sniffling into her jacket. Quite disturbed from this action, Lara simply turned and patted him on the back. "I-it's Okay. I'm here." She said, not sure of what would console him.

Suddenly Lara was rushed by a small mass of people. Amanda, Zip, Kurtis, and Winston were all hugging her, relieved that she was Okay. "Hey, Lara. You alright?" asked Kurtis, giving her a peck on the nose. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you. Just a little tender on the ankles." She said, hugging him hardest.

Remembering Larson and Pierre, the group spun around and raced back toward the tower. "Where'd they go after I jumped?" asked Lara before entering the dented elevator door. There was a clear silhouette of Larson imprinted in the bluish metal door. Alistair, who had tagged along, was having a good giggle at the giant face in the metal sheet.

"Looks like they hi-tailed it outta here already." said Kurtis, supporting Lara on her sore legs. They were back at the top of the Eiffel Tower once more. Alistair pulled out his binoculars, and handed them to Amanda. "You can get a better view than I" he said, winking at Amanda. Mandy placed the oversized binoculars to her eyes, and scoured the surrounding areas. Pierre and Larson were nowhere to be found.

Thunder echoed now closer than ever. Looking up, Zip yelled into the intercom "GET OUTTA THERE! Huge storm coming our way!" Kurtis scooped Lara up in his arms, and took off running to the elevator once more. The whole ride down was filled with silence and anxiety.

A bright flash and the sound of grinding metal filled the tiny elevator, and shook it all the way to the ground. Racing out of the elevator, they spun around to see the top of the Eiffel Tower in flames. A giant twisted piece of metal broke free and plummeted down towards the group. It drew closer and closer, almost to them when they realized they had to run.


	3. MIA

**I KNO. LOTSA CLIFFIES. OWELL! ;D I'll tone it down a bit. Well, so I don't kno wat to write. Submit ur suggestions:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D **

Screaming, Lara and Kurtis ran, with Alistair and Amanda in back. They sprinted with all their might. Finally outrunning the rest, Kurtis and Lara spun around to look at the damage as the giant chunk of twisted metal crashed to the ground with a deafening moan.

Amidst the smouldered heaps of metal, there lie Amanda. She had been crushed under the metal, almost escaping the lightning-struck disaster. "AMANDA!" cried Lara, running back. Limping on her sore ankles, Lara tripped over another body.

"OUCH!" cried the lump in the dirt. It was a familiar cockney librarian who had once loved Lara. "Are you okay?" said Kurtis, not being to ginger when lifting him up, "Alistair?"

There was a bleeding cut in the side of Alistair's head. Soon, Lara had returned, carrying the mangled body of Amanda. At this, Kurtis started to weep. Not a sad, sniffling, pitying weep, but a sob of despair. With a consoling hand, Alistair turned Kurtis away, and led him back to the utility van.

That night in Paris was a night of mourning. Their best friend, colleague, even lover, was gone. "You will rest in our hearts forever, Lady Amanda." said Winston. Everyone paid their respects that night. Even the rescue crew.

Suddenly remembering her diadem, and Larson & Pierre, Lara dashed out to the hallway, looking madly around. "MY DIADEM!" she yelled. "Is right here." pointed out Zip, holding up the small crown. It shone in the dim candle light, Its diamonds, rubies, and emeralds sparkling in millions of colors. The carefully handcrafted white gold was molded into twists, curves, and spirals, decorating the beautiful artifact. In the center, visible through the endless abyss of gems and gold, there lie a deep green velvet puff, mirroring the shape of the Diadem.

Zip twisted it in his fingers, being careful not to knock a gem out of place. "I-It's beautiful." He cried in awe. It truly was.


	4. I Love You

**OMGSH AMANDAS DEAD!**

In a huff, Lara returned inside, and sat down. "Well, at least its safe." She said with a wink in Zip's direction. He blushed and resumed his inspection of the diadem. It seemed as though the motel room was quite crowded, although there was but five people. Kurtis was occupying his time by practicing tricks with his churigai. Zip was inspecting the diadem for damage or hidden secrets. Winston was talking with Lara about Plum Pudding, and Alistair was watching Lara talk.

"OH. MY. GOSH!!!" screamed Zip as a hooded figure emerged from the wall, bringing the scent of death with it. Alistair stepped up to protect Lara, and Winston rose as well. "W-what is that thing?" asked Kurtis, drawing his pistol. Now in the direct lamplight from outside, the figure was more detailed. It was tall and wide, with an odd-shaped head that looked like someone took a steel pole to the middle, making a valley in the black cloak.

Its sinewy muscles tensed as the load of a corpse shifted on its back. A diabolical laugh showed the ghoul not to be of apparition, but a human! This "ghost" laughed once again, and dropped the corpse, running out of the room. The wind whipped the cloak on the body, and showed a worn pair of bloody jeans. The hood fell off the figure, and a cowboy hat was whipped away in the wind.

"Larson." Said Kurtis blatantly. "Well, if that's Larson, where's Pier…" Lara stopped. The corpse on the floor shown not to be one dead body, but two! There, wrapped in thick ropes, were Anaya and Pierre, back to back.

"B-but how did Anaya get here in Paris? She was in Paraiso last time I checked!" said Lara, tears streaming down her cheeks. She worked herself into a gentle sob, and Alistair rushed over to comfort her.

"There, there. It'll be alright, sweets!" said Alistair with a gentle hand over the hunched shoulders. He put his other hand under her chin, and lifted her head up. "Calm down, dearest. We'll find who killed Anaya, trust me." He said gently. "Well, I assume so." Said Lara, "Why don't we take a walk."

So the two exited the room, and began to walk down the alleyway, and out into the Parisian ghetto. Lara wasn't herself that night, and she needed the comforting words that Alistair was happy to give. The only thing was, she found it odd to hear him calling her "sweetheart" and "dearest."

After awhile, Alistair grabbed Lara's hand, and led her aside. "There's been something I've been meaning to tell you, Lara." He said. He grabbed her chin once again, and raised it so they were looking eye to eye. "I…" he stopped, and leaned in.

He slowly moved his head forward, and his lips met hers. It was a gentle kiss, although shocking to Lara all the same. She wanted to wriggle free, but her body would not let her. "I love you, Lara Croft." He hugged her.

Lara's head was now fighting a violent battle against what to say. She liked him, too, but what would Kurtis say? Although, he was quite distraught at the sight of Amanda's smoldering body. "I…" Lara paused. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and hugged him tighter than he had hugged her. "I love you too." She said, gentle tears rolling down her face once more.

Evidently, Alistair still had some feelings left. That night was awkward between the two. Things were silent for the most part. That is, until Lara was cold from the rain that evening. "I'm so f-f-f-f-freeeee-z-z-z-zing-g-g!" cried Lara, waking from her sleep. Alistair stood up and removed his sweater. "You can have this for the night." He said, placing it on her shoulders. He shivered and hugged his now naked chest._ I may be cold, but it was worth it_, thought Alistair, as he sat beside her on the couch. It was a peaceful night, with Zip, and Kurtis, and Alistair, and Winston, and Lara sitting, and listening to the pounding of the rain on the tin roof. It would be peaceful dreams as well.


	5. Touble in the Alley

**OK I dunno if I'm gonna keep up with the whole Larastair ficcie thingymabob. I might go back to Kurtis. But who knows! XD It's been a long time since I've seen a story with some serious Larastair. I'm sick of Lara/Kurtis crap.**

The next morning, the gang awoke to the smell of fresh bread and flesh. The bakers were awake and cooking, and Anaya and Pierre didn't agree with the delicious smell of baguettes and napoleons. Of course, Winston was left with the dirty job of carrying the corpses out to the dumpster. Lara left a note taped to the outside of the dumpster.

It read "Dear Monsieur or Madame who may find this note, these are the bodies of my colleagues, who were killed in the process of the Eiffel Tower disaster yesterday. We have no place to bury them, so we are disposing of them in your dumpster. We are in no wish of Legal Action, please." After awhile of thinking about what she wrote, Lara ran back downstairs and ripped up the note. "Too formal." She said.

Reemerging into the sunlight, Zip, Kurtis, Lara, and the rest of the group took out onto the streets of Paris once more. Alistair and Lara walked in the back of the group, holding hands quite tightly. Up ahead, Kurtis tripped, to no notice of the couple in the back of the group. For a moment, he lie there, recovering himself.

Once the group passed, or, at least Lara and Alistair, Kurtis stood up and brushed the dust off his body. Lara and Alistair would take unsure glances at each other as they hiked up a hill, and finally, Kurtis couldn't take it anymore.

As Alistair removed his hand from Lara's to tie his shoe, Kurtis grabbed Lara's mouth and hips, and stole her away to a side alley. "What's up with you today?" he growled, pinning her to the wall.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" said Lara defiantly. "Oh, I think you do know. You and Alistair both!" he said, "I thought you loved me!" "Yes, but you love Amanda!" cried Lara, tears forming beneath her chestnut irises.

"But she's dead…" said Kurtis, grabbing Lara's face. He leaned in for a kiss, but none too casually. An image formed in Lara's mind of Alistair kissing her last night. She began to picture Kurtis as Alistair involuntarily. Lara returned the kiss harder, and Kurtis's peach fuzzy beard tickled her chin. She giggled.

Before long, the rest of the group noticed Lara was missing, and began their walk back down the hill. They ignored most of the alleys, only focusing on the street corner at the bottom of the hill. As they passed a shady alley, they heard a loud giggle and a moan.


End file.
